Man did I ever have a case of the Monday’s this week. I had a busy weekend but nothing to abnormal for me. But I was kind of in a funk the whole time and just couldn’t jump out of it. My personal time was spent watching movies and fighting with some code for a site I’m working on. I wasn’t reading my bible at all, my prayers where, well whiny and I just wasn’t feeling it.
Monday I woke up and was not looking forward to the week. I felt defeated. I didn’t know what was wrong but I know I had a lot of complaints. My news and Twitter feeds were full of sad stuff like online friends funerals, pastors stepping down, people arguing stupid stuff etc. All this just stacked up on top of me and what I was already fighting.
If truth be told I just wasn’t happy with Gods plan. I wasn’t happy with his timing and I was frustrated. I felt defeated, ignored, and just a lot of other stuff along those lines.
So that morning I took it to God in prayer. I prayed Sunday night coming home from church and I continued my little “fit” that Monday morning. I put it all out there. My desires, my wishes, my thoughts, my opinions, my anger, my disappointment, and more.
I needed something!
I needed a miracle, a sign, anything to let me know all was good.
I needed reassurance because I wasn’t trusting myself and I wasn’t sure if I was trusting Him either.
That Monday morning, after I got to work, I got a random text from my old Realtor. She had a lease purchase prospect for my house. This is odd because I no longer have my house on the market because, well there aren’t any buyers and I need an angel to buy mine. I thought at first she had sent it to the wrong person but nope she was talking about me.
The deal wasn’t great but it would have been “doable” with a little work on my part. Short story is that after a few texts and some phone calls on her part they backed out because they felt the utility expenses would be too high.
Now mind you I’ve been trying to sell my home for close to 2 years now. I have a specific amount I owe and would be happy to sell if for that amount, but with a Realtor I have to bump that figure up significantly. So it’s been a long hard test for me. I’m OK with it most days and only once every 6 months or so do I get really down about it.
This past weekend / week was one of those down moments.
Now how would you have reacted? Would you have immediately seen this as just another kick in the face? God toying with you by dangling the carrot only to pull it away at the last minute? Punishment for something you did in your past?
I would have but I didn’t.
Instead I saw this as an answer to my prayers. You see I had asked God to reveal Himself to me. I asked Him to show me He was still in control and working in ways I didn’t see or even understand. I wanted to know that no matter what I’ve done in my past He still has His plan and is going to see it through.
I needed to know I could trust Him.
How horrible is that? Here I am supposed to be completely surrendered to Him yet I’m asking Him to prove Himself to little ole me. This isn’t the first time this has happened either and I should be over it by now.
I was broken.
I was desperate.
He remained faithful.
This seemingly insignificant dance with the Realtor was His way of showing me, He was in total control. He was telling me basically “Eric there are a lot of chess pieces on the board and you aren’t always in a position to see other movements I’m making. Chill out.”
I was so ashamed.
I let myself slip back into a point of questioning Him. I let myself believe the lies being fed to me by the devil and his minions. I put my trust and hope in what I saw rather then in what I truly hoped for.
We must not lose hope!
I’m OK now. I’m stronger now for sure. Can this happen again sure but next time I will be ready and it won’t be so easy.
Proverbs 3:5-8 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones”