Relationships – Without Wisdom You're Just A Player

Wisdom by WTL photos
Wisdom by WTL photos

A wise man once said….” “A good friend once told me….” “The best advice I ever got….

What do all these little starter sentences have in common? Besides usually being the start to some serious wisdom smack downs, they all typically come from someone much wiser then the person delivering the wisdom.

In my last post we talked about how relationships really start with you. In this one I want to focus on two other important topics. Wisdom & Wise Council.

I look at relationships failing, going the wrong direction, or just struggling and I see a lot of “problems” as an outsider. I see people hiding their struggles and not being real. Conversations, which NEED to happen, are not happening, along with many other “things”. Every single time a relationship starts to go south the first thing people do is turn to the person next to them and ask “What should I do?

Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22

You’d think we’d get it after one or two failed relationships but we continue down the same path over and over again. We talk to our friends BEFORE we date or get involved, then totally ignore everything they tell us once we get involved. We think “I’ve got it covered” or “you just don’t understand him / her” or my favortie “You don’t know him / her like I do“.

All true and all so very wrong at the same time.

Look at the fall out between Jon & Kate and the South Carolina Governor Sanford. Both made tragic mistakes in judgment and both had deep regrets about their “choices”. Once I got past my initial anger and disappointment from both of these incidents I immediately began to wonder who was around them? Who was advising them? Who was talking to their hearts?

Who on the outside was looking into their life and speaking truth to their actions and intentions?

Wise council, we all need it. I’m not just talking about your BFF’s, or that old guy at church, or even your parents. I’m also not talking about your horoscope, your psychic, your taro cards or what your fortune cookie told you last night after your Moo Goo Gai Pan.

I’m talking about finding someone, or better yet a group of someones, who know you IN AND OUT. Someone whom you share everything about your life with. Someone who knows what your REAL struggles are and where you fall short.

The only true Wise Council comes from someone who knows the Real You.

Why do we need wise council? Why should we establish this person BEFORE we get involved? It’s simple really. When we are in a relationship something happens to our decision making process. Ideas which we normally would have spent days mulling over are now decided in a matter of minutes or seconds. Boundaries and moral decisions we were firm about a week ago are now being bent, stretched and even tip toed across if not totally disregarded.

We are not in our right mind when we are involved in a relationship, ever. I know this sounds harsh but look around. Even established couples who have been married for many years are making choices they wouldn’t have made years ago. People are dating and sacrificing their moral standard in order to maintain the acceptance they have received from their significant other.

There is something about a relationship which causes us to lose perspective.

This is why wise council is so awesome. If you’ve established it early or even if you’ve just established it with someone you trust, it can have major positive impact on your life and relationship. Think about it for a minute as a rational person and if you’re in a relationship now, I know I am asking a lot from you but try to keep up.

A person who’s acting as wise council can provide you with the following:

  • Guidance on your current and past decisions.
  • Give you the ability to see things from single or multiple angles.
  • Speak truth to something you see, but cannot visualize.
  • Remind you of what’s important TO YOU and not just your relationship.
  • Kick you in the ass (yes I said ass) when you’re doing something stupid.
  • Guide you down the path you need to travel down, not just down the path you desire.

Want a list of reasons not to have wise council? Ask anyone about the reasons for their divorce, their breakup or their heartache. There is a lot of truth in our failures, which all point back to the need for wise council.

Now let me make this really real for you. I’m 33 as of the time of writing this post. I’ve had my fair share of relationships which have failed and one failed marriage under my belt. Even my most recent relationships / interactions have turned out in ways I didn’t want them too. Why? Simple, I got caught up in the “I can do this” mentality.

Trust me you cannot do it alone.

For my Christian brothers and sisters out there bring it in close. I’ve got some serious wisdom to smack on you. You know all those “signs” you keep seeing from God about person X, or all those things you keep hearing from God? There is a a VERY good chance it’s not all God talking. Remember the devil has a voice as well and he is one sneaky dude. He will put so much truth out there and sprinkle in just enough untruth to spoil the whole thought. The problem is we are so wrapped up in the truth we miss the untruth.

Do not fall prey to the devil and his ability to sprinkle untruth into your life.

Every sign you see, every thought from God you have, every feeling and perception you encounter needs a filter. Your wise council is that filter. Lay it on them, speak from the heart and this is important so very very very important.

Listen, consume, apply and put into action what your wise council recommends.

Remember their whole purpose is to help you navigate life and see you succeed. Your wise council should follow Jeremiah 29:11 when thinking of you. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

So in closing once you’re done looking in the mirror seek out your wise council. Don’t be afraid to ask for it and seek it out. Nothing bad has ever come from the pursuit of bettering oneself.

Proverbs 2:10-15

10 For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. 11 Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. 12 Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, 13 who have left the straight paths to walk in dark ways, 14 who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, 15 whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.

10 Replies to “Relationships – Without Wisdom You're Just A Player”

  1. I don't know where I'd be without having had a few wise mentors who showed me and encouraged me to stay on the narrow, more difficult path.

  2. great post Eric!

    I have plenty of friends who ask for advice about getting involved with a certain girl/guy and then once they're in, listen no more 🙁 It's sad because most of the time your friends see the red flags way before you do when it comes to relationships!

    1. Amen girl. It’s almost like we need to come up with a “safe word” to say when they aren’t listening. I recommend “strawberries” because it’s fun to say…

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