I was smacked in the face with a realization recently. I tend to pursue girls who are not initially interested in me. This isn’t a bad thing as I recognize I’m not one to really show an interest in a girl, in what might be considered “normal” routines. So it’s not surprising to me when I tell a girl I’m interested in her that 9 out of 10 times there is a little shock and surprise in their response. The nice thing is most of these girls have seen traits etc in me which cause them to be curious, so when I do announce my interest in them, they are happy to see where it goes or give me a chance.
What I’ve discovered in my dating patterns and in really looking back to my past relationships, going all the way back to my first relationship, is that I was always being accepted but never chosen. The girls would see my “resume”, ie the stuff I could offer them, and were more than happy to go into the relationship.
They would accept me for who I was and overlook the “missing” parts.
I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I had just started a 3 mile run with my best friend in high school Brian. I told him how a girl I was interested in and had been talking to over the past few weeks had decided to move forward and become my girlfriend. Brian smiles, tells me that’s awesome then says something which even today rocks my world.
“I’ll see you in four months Eric.”
You see Brian knew, along with all my other guy friends. As soon as I got into a relationship and made that commitment to the other person I was done. They would have very little to no contact with me during the course of our relationship which typically lasted 4 months or less for me. I would spend most, not all, but most, of my free time with this girl and her friends etc. I’d still hang with the guys but my mind was always elsewhere and I was always itching to “be with her”.
I’d like to say this was a high school thing, and a direct reflection of my maturity but alias that would be wrong. I continued this trend in college and even in my marriage. When I got involved with someone I lost everyone else.
One thing which became very clear to me while doing my self awareness walk, and even this past weekend at the 2009 Labor Day Retreat, was the idea of how badly we take rejection. It’s amazing how when you are forced to look back on your past relationships you realize just how poorly you let them finish.
So many times when a relationship would end, I would have two reactions. I would either turn into a whiny crying kid who just had his red fire truck run over. Or I’d be the spiteful bully who’d push you into your locker just because you got chocolate pudding and I got vanilla.
Proverbs 19:21 – Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
We all get burned from time to time in our relationships and it doesn’t matter if you are the one ending the relationship or the one being dumped. I’ve talked about Self Awareness and Wisdom but today it’s all about Intentions, a topic I’ve covered on my old blog. Our intentions and our perception of the other persons intentions have the possibility to either grow or burn the relationship.
I’m a 4 month guy. Meaning that most, OK all but 2, of my relationships lasted 4 months or less. I used to blame the local flower shops and my cooking skills as it always seemed after one of these events I got the boot. Many years went by before I decided it wasn’t my flower choices, or the dinner I cooked but something else. I wasn’t sure WHAT it was but I knew it wasn’t me. Continue reading “Relationships – Is This What You Intended?”
While pondering this series of posts on relationships, I kept wondering where I should start. Should I talk about intentions first, or maybe wise council is where people should focus. Then again maybe we should spend time defining our boundaries or even coming up with the qualities we should be seeking.
I honestly had no clue where to put down the first stone. What topic would set the tone and the overall path we would journey down. So I took it to God and spent my days talking to Him. Most mornings, I wake up and talk to God as I get ready for my day. This is typically a very vocal conversation (meaning I talk out loud) and I’m sure my cats often wonder who I’m talking with. On this particular morning I was talking to Him about this series and as I transitioned from my closet to the sink, I realized where it all really begins.
There are a lot of things I want to say about what went down with all the recent high profile relationship disasters. Just to recap in the recent months we’ve seen the following go down:
Jon & Kate begin the Divorce process
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford caught in a relationship with a woman from Argentina
Chris Brown & Rhianna have domestic problems
Billy Joel filed for Divorce
Usher filed for Divorce
Mel Gibson filed for divorce
and many many more….
Out of all this it’s not a surprise to see the divorce rate in America climbing. As a divorced man I have a lot of emotions, feelings and of course opinions about a lot of those people listed above. I also have my fair share of thoughts for those non celebrity divorces occurring without the headlines and media presence. Continue reading “Let's Talk Relationships….”
I’m not sure who said it but I know it was someone a whole lot smarter then me. This person made the correlation between people dating and earning their high school diploma. The idea being that when you are dating someone, you are spending a huge amount of time getting to know them and discovering them.
Over time you figure out if this person is the one for you or not. That step from dating to engagement, which eventually leads to marriage, is when you obtain your high school diploma for that person.
Now we all know that a high school diploma just gets your foot in the door for most things in life. In order to really go far you should probably get a college degree. An Associates will do but a Bachelors will of course open up even more doors for you. From there you can get a Masters and maybe even a Doctrinal degree. Continue reading “Counting Smiles”